New Years Eve is hands down the most stressful planning time all year.

Plus, making these plans in New York City of all cities makes it even more stressful. Why? 1: Because it’s NYC and everyone and their grandma decides to infiltrate the city. (Not to mention this year, Tay Swift is performing in Times Square – so take the typical NYE NYC Times Square night and multiply it by every tween whose parent let them out of the house.) 2: There are just far, far too many things to do, and they’re all too expensive. 3: Trying to organize the night, while including your friends, causes you to develop ulcers. 4: You can’t catch a cab for the life of you, the subways are so jam packed, and everything is so messy.

We’re here to help you with a little guide of things to do and things to stay away from (for those of you who are new to the city and those of you who kind of are but act like you’ve been here for years).

For starters, stay the hell away from Times Square and all of midtown if possible. If you NEED to go uptown, take the subway, and get up there by 6 or 7. Otherwise, I hope you like spending an hour catching a cab, and an hour getting up past 50th.

For People Who Want To Go Big: 

1) Pier 94 – Manhattan – Disclosure is playing along with Ten Walls, Claude Von Stroke, Isaac Tischauer and others.

2) MSG – Manhattan – Diplo & Skrillex – The boys of Jack Ü are probably going to single handedly destroy Madison Square Garden. It’s going to be a mess, it’s going to be claustrophobic, it’s going to be loud, but it will be one hell of a good time.

3) Output – Brooklyn – Once again, Output is doing 24 hours of partying, this year including DJ Koze and a CHOCK ton of other talents. (We went for a bit after Maya Jane Coles at a warehouse last years NYE, and it looked like a war zone, but a cool war zone).

4) BK BAZAAR – Brooklyn – Machine Drum and others with providing the sounds, and I’m sure everyone else there will be providing everything else you would need.

For People Who Want To Go Medium:

1) Brooklyn Bowl – Brooklyn – Washed Out is playing, I’m sure the bowling lanes will be open, everybody always has fun at Brooklyn Bowl, it’ll be a good time.

2) Baby’s All Right – Brooklyn – Mykki Blanco, Dubbel Dutch, Ricky Eat Acid and others will be playing. It’s a chill, low key but killer spot right over the bridge. Easy to get to, easy to make friends, easy to have fun.

3) Slake – Manhattan – Duke Dumont is playing with Todd Edwards and NYC native Curses. Kind of hard to get to (it’s midtown west), so if this is your decision, get tickets now, and find a bar around there to hang out at until the night starts.

4) Webster Hall – Manhattan – The dancing home girl Kiesza is bringing it home in the main room. If you’ve never done NYE at Webster Hall, it’s a ton of fun. They go big.

5) Good Room – Greenpoint BK – It’s a G Train ride, but the place is a super tight venue. Wide bar, good interior, it’s a “good room”. Peaking Lights is playing, so if you want a more psychedelic night, this is the one!

For People Who Want To Go Small:

1) Louie and Chans – LES, Manhattan – $100 per person for a four course meal, and 24 hours of dancing. (Their pizza and pasta dishes are bomb, drinks are amazing, and everyone who works there is the nicest person you’ll ever meet.)

2) St. Mazie Bar and Supper Club – Brooklyn – Only $45 per person, 40’s vibes, and total fun.

3) The Black Ant – East Village – Their Mexican food is spot on, it’s only $75 per person, it’s super good vibes and lighting in there, and it’s around 700 million other bars.

If these are all sold out by now, sorry. But have a house party. I mean, you can even find a house party! There will be plenty of people throwing New Years Eve parties at their apartments. Plus bars in the LES, East Village and West Village are always a good idea. It’ll be packed with people, plenty of alcohol and everyone will be having a good time.